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In the garden of choices

by Sonya Yeh Spencer, Certified ITA NLP Trainer
I was working in our little veggie patch this morning, enjoying the gentle sunshine and watching a butterfly getting intoxicated on the sweet nectar of our nasturtium, orange, yellow and red, adorned with glistening pearls of dew. Satisfied, I sat and admired how the golden garden lizards were fattening up by eating away most of the garden pests this year, because we have created a more balanced garden environment to cater for all the little creatures. As I was picking away at the juicy plump strawberries, I noticed something was not quite right. Continue reading “In the garden of choices”

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Cyber-bullying is only part of it, just a growing part. Bullying happens in so many contexts.

Bully or Victim – What can you do?

By Mark Spencer, ITA NLP Trainer, Advanced NLP Coach

A new analysis reveals that bullies and victims share more similarities than we might think, with one stand-out difference. Christie Nicholson reports from http://www.scientificamerican.com

This is a long post, so this is a few quicklinks to parts of the entry:

Cyber-bullying is only part of it, just a growing part. Bullying happens in so many contexts.

We might think that bullies are quite different from the victims of bullying. But those who become either a bully or a victim actually share similar outlooks and have similar difficulties dealing with their environments. There is, however, one significant risk factor for bullying.


Researchers reviewed and analyzed 153 studies and found that Continue reading “Bully or Victim – What can you do?”

Do Opposites Attract?

Psychologist Donn Byrne states in this post, “we are twice as likely to be attracted to someone when we agree on six out of 10 issues than we are with someone who we only agree with on three out of 10 issues”. This would get down to what we consider to be an ‘issue’.

Starting from scratch in a relationship, there may be no real major issues that arise in our conversations or opinions, because we are busy finding sameness to build rapport because there is attraction. If one has a difference of opinion on politics or religion, these days we might find this refreshing and not an ‘issue’. Are we going to ask the right questions when it comes to decisions and choices relating to partner choices? How do we build our relationships amongst issues? Are our issues really tied to values? Are our values the real things that matter when it comes to relationships?
The other interesting aspect of this whole topic is the area of Myths about psychology – where this may be in the myth category, but overiding that is the use of the words (‘opposite’ and ‘issue’) which is where NLP helps us to refine the meaning that we derive from words.

In NLP, using the precision model of communication, we get very precise with language. For these statements we would well ask many of these questions: When we talk about the cultural expression: opposites attract – what do we really mean by “opposite”? Opposite on what level? Opposite of what sepcifically? What is attract? Attraction of what to what? Attract or catch attention?

Let us take a look at the article: When it comes to love, we’re ambivalent about “opposites attract”. Christie Nicholson from http://www.scientificamerican.com reports.

Back in college astronomy class, I sat behind a guy who wore a T-shirt with this on the back: ” The best thing about the opposite sex is Continue reading “Do Opposites Attract?”

Facing Something New in Life and want it to be successful?

Here is your first step

By Sonya Yeh Spencer, ITA NLP Trainer, Advanced NLP Coach

Are you in the process of change?  Maybe a new job, contract, project or relationship and maybe you would like this new development to be a success.  Starting on the right foot might just give you a head start.

As you continue to pay attention to the words you are reading, consider the following questions: Continue reading “Facing Something New in Life and want it to be successful?”

The Impact of Rude Behaviour on a Business

New research shows that rudeness between employees can have a far worse impact on a business than rudeness directed toward customers, or even employee incompetence. Christie Nicholson reports from http://www.scientificamerican.com… Four separate studies published in the August issue of the Journal of Consumer Research provide some scientific evidence along these lines. Nearly 60 to 120 subjects were placed in various situations where they witnessed inter-employee rudeness as well as employee incompetence. And the researchers found that employee rudeness had a significantly greater impact on subjects’ overall opinion of the company than bad service. Continue reading The Impact of Rude Behaviour on a Business

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Treating Trauma NLP Client Session with Steve Andreas

Decision Destroyer NLP Technique From Real People Press NLP Videos In this excerpt of a clinical demonstration, Steve Andreas uses the Decision Destroyer NLP technique developed by Richard Bandler. This womans trauma is resolved without knowing anything about the content of the trauma. This method utilizes the cause-effect presupposition inherent in trauma—that an impactful experience will have an effect on later experiences—by creating a positive experience that occurs before a traumatic one. Recorded at the Milton Erickson Brief Therapy Conference in December 2008 (BT08-DVD2). 55-minute DVD. 3-page handout. Get it here: http://j.mp/spfBS Steve Andreas Steve Andreas, MA, has been learning, … Continue reading Treating Trauma NLP Client Session with Steve Andreas

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Business NLP: Know thy self and others for long term success

By By Sonya Yeh Spencer, ITA NLP Trainer, Educator, Coach The old Chinese saying, roughly translated here, “Know thy self and your enemy will ensure you win every time” doesn’t sit so well with me these days.  I prefer to think “Know thy self and others for long term success”.  Why do I say for “long term success”?  Because by actively understanding yourself and others, you can appreciate and act accordingly in response to the dynamic nature of a relationship.  For example, we were working with an overseas associate to create an alliance two years ago.   Both, “Tom” and “Peter” are in partnership and … Continue reading Business NLP: Know thy self and others for long term success

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Insight into Raising Voice Tone to Build Rapport

an article by Steve Andreas An example of the impact of nonverbal (tonal) qualities of a message. Recently I sent a note to some colleagues mentioning that I had noticed that some people—more often women—ended a sentence or a phrase with an upward inflection that usually indicates a question. I asked if anyone had an understanding of this, since I didn’t want to rediscover something that was already understood. I got the wonderful response below from a linguist who asked not to be identified: “Ah, a linguistic question! This phenomenon is known in linguistics as ‘high rising terminal,’ or HRT. … Continue reading Insight into Raising Voice Tone to Build Rapport

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How to build great relationships – tip for the day

 “Who ever is going to be responsible for dealing with the consequences of the decision makes the decision” is one of the understanding that served us well in both business conducts and personal relationships.  This is based on the NLP process of Outcome, Intention and Consequences, developed by John Grinder.   This is especially useful in a blended family situation, when one parent is responsible for their biological children. Send us any questions about this tip to:  sonya@blue-skytransformation.com Continue reading How to build great relationships – tip for the day

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Mixed Impressions: How We Judge Others on Multiple Levels

A few contrastive articles on how we percieve ‘others’ unconsciously in those initial moments of encountering a person. Researchers are developing a new understanding of how we judge people. By Marina Krakovsky, Scientific American Excerpt from ScientificAmerican.com We’ve all heard that people favor their own kind and discriminate against out-groups—but that’s a simplistic view of prejudice, says Amy Cuddy, a professor at Harvard Business School who studies how we judge others. In recent years she and psychologists Susan Fiske of Princeton University and Peter Glick of Lawrence University have developed a powerful new model. All over the world, it turns … Continue reading Mixed Impressions: How We Judge Others on Multiple Levels

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Tips on how to get a grip on Stress, part 2

By Sonya Yeh Spencer, ITA NLP Trainer, Educator, Coach In our last Newsletter we had an overview of where stress and anxiety came from – as a response to life events. I have challenged you to ask yourself “if there is a positive purpose or message that this feeling (stress or sense of anxiousness) has for me, what would that be?” Thank you for providing me with a range of responses from “there is no message” to “it is asking me to think what I am doing”. These are messages for you and there are no right or wrong answers. … Continue reading Tips on how to get a grip on Stress, part 2

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Know the Purpose for Creating Change

One of the most important things you need to identify when creating change is “For what purpose”. Too often we hear clients saying “I need to change X, Y, Z” or complaining to us that for years they have been trying to improve their ability to do X, Y, Z but failed. Yet, when we probed, they have no clear idea of the purpose for making such a change. Knowing the purpose for creating change is a bit like going on an expedition with clear direction in mind. There might be many paths that will lead you there and you … Continue reading Know the Purpose for Creating Change

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The use of NLP and emotionally focused therapy with divorcing couples in crisis

The use of neuro-linguistic programming and emotionally focused therapy with divorcing couples in crisis Mediation with Separated Parents Lowenstein L F: Mediation with Separated Parents: Recent Research 2002-2007 from the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage 50(4) – Routledge: 233-247, 2009 and also published on the parental-alienation.info website Abstract: Mediation is increasingly being used to attempt to resolve conflicts between parents following divorce and separation. The article considers the problems faced by the mediator and how mediation can sometimes take the place of hostile litigation. The value and objective of mediation is to create harmony where there is disharmony. This naturally … Continue reading The use of NLP and emotionally focused therapy with divorcing couples in crisis

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